Op-Ed: April Fool’s Day – The last pre-tariff quarter before Armageddon?

US tariffs are expected to hit hundreds of billions of dollars in total trade between the world’s two largest economies – Copyright AFP/File –

It’s no coincidence that 1 April is the start of the tariffs. April Fool’s Day marks the beginning of “anyone’s guess” for global trade. By definition, the first quarter will not be indicative of what’s to come. These may be the last trustworthy trade numbers for years.

Most guesses are extremely negative. Why anyone would want to add 25% tariffs to a shamelessly greedy, overpriced cost of living is more than a bit debatable.

US consumers already couldn’t afford it. The world doesn’t like it. Profitability was good to the point of starting an actual anti-capitalism backlash in the States of all places.

A superficial reading of the “Dirty 15” countries targeted for tariffs indicates that these 15 countries are those with trade surpluses with the US. All this conveniently overlooks the last 30 years of massive outsourcing of US manufacturing, they’re now to blame for US demand for what were US products.

The US makes money out of licensing, goods, patents, and prices maximizing profits. All that has now literally gone out of the window thanks to Slow White and the Sleazy Dwarves.

So US consumers and the entire supply chain are being penalized for decades of incredibly profitable business for US companies. And they’re charging US businesses for it.

Oh dear.

For sheer economic illiteracy, this little effort may never have an equal.

Such howling, gibbering ignorance of the decades-old realities of international trade really deserves its own opera.

“Die Fledermoron” springs to mind.

It’d go well with USAIDA and Smugoletto, wouldn’t it?

Or is it Skankoletto?

The Ride of the Vacuous could be adapted from Wagner. So could Gotterdammerung – The Wonder Years.

The world doesn’t like it.

To be fair, neither do US businesses and whole sectors like it. It’s a 50 gigaton daily hemorrhoid for US businesses.  It’s a return to trade policies that have never worked since the Silk Road. Making business more expensive is a massive own goal.

Meanwhile, back in that unfashionable shanty town called the world, the relationships are deteriorating rapidly.

Not content with giving China and the European Union an easy way to pick up infuriated US trading partners:

We have the strange spectacle of the US having no idea how to conduct international business which is already a disaster.

We have the clumsiest, most inept, trashiest US diplomacy in history sabotaging itself every day.

We have a seemingly endless eulogy of bogus numbers, failed deals, and absurd claims of unfairness to the US.

We have domestic administrative chaos in the US and an upcoming budget with not a hint of hard numbers.

We have the interesting perspective that you’re more likely to get accurate projections of US revenue from a Ouija board than the administration.

We have the strange coincidence that a return to 1950s Made in America manufacturing would take decades to achieve, even if it were possible, which it isn’t. How are you going to achieve anything like Chinese production capacity?

We have the hidden absurdity that you can’t replace income tax with revenue from tariffs.

Particularly if you’re not doing business with anyone thanks to your half-ass policies and intolerable conduct.

April Fool’s Day indeed.